The Gentle Art of Ruling One's Husband

Lucky you, you Fabulous Friend of Fussypants, you are here from the beginning of Fussy's Marriage Makeover Series. The unofficial title of the series is, "Testicles- Why not let him keep them?"

Do you need Fussy's makeover? Take this easy quiz~

• Is your once attentive and loving hubby distracted and seems to be too busy for you?
• Do you feel lonely even when he is with you?
• Is he zoning out in front of the TV, on the computer, or out with his buddies constantly?
• Do you secretly worry that you are becoming your Mother?
• Does it seem he is doing anything but spending time with you?
• Do you long for just a little attention from the man you married?
• Do you wonder why what you have done in the past isn't working?

If you answer yes to more than two of these questions- the new series will bring so much happiness and joy back in your marriage. This blog gives a 100% satisfaction guaranteed or your money back!

Let's face facts. You married him, Girlfriend. He is yours! You can't say you didn't have a clue about his tendency to be rude, crude and socially unacceptable. Did ya' plan on changing him? Did ya' think "it would all work out"? Bummer, huh?

There's hope, Girlfriends. After years of reading Psychology research, popular self-help, Christian counseling, and some ugly trial and error, Fussy is compiling all her best marital Cheap Psychological Tricks wisdom for you.

Fussy's method is all about realities in daily married life, and not what should be. It is all about what techniques are successful, and what techniques lead to failure.

Everyone and every marriage is different, but Fussy has learned that there are a few universal truths that run through all relationships. Join is as we give them a try.

Week One- Bite your tongue

.... and do not make him check his testicles at the door when he comes home at night.

This will be the hardest challenge of all. You can not tell him what you are doing! Don't tell him, "Hey, I'm trying to be nice here! C'mon." It will cause you actual physical pain to refrain from saying everything you are thinking. You can do it, Ladies.

Instead of saying what you could, simply go for back-up- call your gal-pal to vent, say a prayer for strength, or just say something random. A random thing to say to change the subject could be- "What happened in the game?" He will fill in the all the details about a random sports team anyway!

He wants to make you happy....

The vast majority of husbands are desperate for approval and affection. This desire to please their wives tends to be hindered by the tendency to avoid rejection. A main reason that husbands ignore their wives is because they don't feel good talking to them. We all know a man will only try so hard, and then, he just gives up and withdraws.

Why aren't we happy?....

Many women just aren't happy, and it shows. Out of unconscious habit, our words are often filled with criticism, complaints, and negativity. More often than not, this is based in childhood, and when we watched our parents interact. Now combine that with the stresses of "having it all"- work, random obligations, housework, and parenting.

In the weeks to come we will look at ways to relieve some of those burdens off your shoulders, but, one thing at a time. For now......

Just smile, bite your tongue, and remember only one week. This break in negative talk is to help make him (unconsciously) feel like he can put his defenses down. For once, you might not chew him up and spit him out at a moment's notice.

Be prepared, he will do some, if not all of these annoying things over the next seven days...

• Leave his boxers all over the bathroom.
• Watch way to much TV.
• Won't pull his share of the household load.
• Fail in his parenting skills.
• Be more obnoxious than usual.

These things will happen, especially when you are trying to actually BE NICE! Be prepared, Ladies, it is gonna get ugly. Be strong.

Remember this, changing your behavior is the most powerful tool you have. When you change your tone, you change the marriage. We can't actually force him to change, but by changing the way we practice the 'Gentle Arts' we can, and will, change everyone around us.

Here are the rules-

1. You can't tell him what you are doing.
2. Pick one close girlfriend to vent about him to.
3. Smile at him at least twice a day.
4. Everytime you feel like nagging, correcting, or complaining- bite your tongue!
5. Join in with your ideas, tips and experiences in the comments daily. Remember, Fussypants is READER DRIVEN. I need y'all to join in!

• "What were you thinking?"
• "You'll never get it right!"
• "You don't even know what you are doing."
• "You never make me happy."
• "Whatever."
• "Get in there, now, do it!" (Don't be bossy!)

I know that ol' Bitter Betty has this question.. What? As Christian women, we are to be submissive and honor our husbands. What you give us is non-biblical!"

Before the hat email starts pouring in, just wait, give Mrs. Fussypants a chance. Fussy has some supa-cool Cheap-Psychological-Tricks tips for helping us wives control influence our husbands. The Fussy method does not subvert a husband's God given headship in the house. It simply provides women with the tools to get their way influence the man they love.

This week, we are simply exercising discipline over our words. If it has the side benefit of luring him into our little plan  bringing us closer, then we all win!

A foolish son is his father's ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.
Proverbs 19:12-14

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
Proverbs 21:8-10

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
Proverbs 25:23-25

If you like this and want more Fussy-

Kind Eyes

5 ways to drive your husband crazy!

Comments

[Heidi Hyde]

Mrs. FP-
I cannot wait to see week 2!! What a challenge this will be ;)

-HH

[Jennifer's luvin' Fussy]

Hey, Fussy, I am one of those "we are to be submissive and honor our husbands" people but what you are saying is true. We do need to bite our tongues. When we caught the guy we sure didn't unload on him what we thought all of his faults were and snap at him every time our mood goes sour. I'm sure he's thinking, "What happened to that sweet, happy girl I married?". At a ladies conference I like to go to one of the speakers tells us to "Fake it til we make it."

[stacie]

You funny girl! I just found you two days ago, and already I think I'm addicted to Mrs. Fussypants! Alright, I'm game for this challenge. One can never have too much subtle control over one's beloved.

[Amy]

You had me at the hilarious little balls / bubbles!! They are a scream!

[Gail]

Fussy, Well, you didn't delete my comment from yesterday so I can only assume you don't hate me! :) I'm looking forward to this info; as a relative newlywed (not even 4 years yet)I know I struggle with this stuff. Things have gotten better this summer, whether through things he's doing, I'm doing, God's power (my prayers)or whatever... I'm just happy it's gotten better.
I tried to click on your links at the bottom of the post, but it told me URL not found. I'm guessing these are previous posts you did before you switched to typepad.

btw- I really could use some help with my blog. are you willing?

Thanks & God Bless, -Gail

[Heather]

Fussy, awesome post! As women, we have more power to influence than we realize. We can use that for good or for harm. I'd rather use my influence for good, especially in my family.

Have a blessed day, Sista!

[Alli ~Mrs. Fussypant]

I am so pleased that y'all enjoyed the post about marriage.
Everytime I press the little publish button, I get butterflies in my stomach!
"Will everyone like it?" I wonder and
I wait anxiously to hear from you all everyday!

Love to you all!

[Jennifer]

I still remember your phrase, "kind eyes." I'm working on that with husband AND kids. Lots of truth in this post!

[bradley egel]

As a man...and a husband...I will withhold my comments...and my testicles...and just enjoy the advice :)

Bradley
The Egel Nest

[Suburban Oblivion]

I admit, I'm very curious as to what you'll have to say to the modern day gals who insist husbands be doing 50% of the work, and how this just lets them off the hook? (Not me btw, because I know where you are going with all this! :) )

[Alli ~Mrs. Fussypant]

Sara-I got tricks up my sleeve, y'all!

Brad- You may keep your testicles!

[Jennifer's luvin' Fussy]

Fussy, I may have to catch up on these later. We are moving today and our computer will be down for a week! I look forward to catching up though.

[Alli ~Mrs. Fussypant]

Jennifer- Good luck with the move. I always do these things when we move....
1- Tell hubby if we EVER move again, I'll divorce him.
2- Cry like a baby.
3- Eat my body weight in Chic-fil-a & Wendys!

Let me know how it all shakes out, baby!

[Christine]

We're moving, too! UGHHHHHHHH.

Fussy, you're tagged. I hope you don't mind.

I think it is so important to remember that these men of ours are desperate for approval and affection. So true, and I too often forget. Thanks for this reminder, hon.

[Redneck Mommy]

I don't think I have the strength to do it, Fussy.

The temptation to tell my husband "Whatever" while rolling my eyeballs is too great.

But I shall try.

He won't know what hit em...unless I stand there with the bat in hand, of course...

[Heather]

Hey, I have no problems with my husband's boxer shorts on the floor as long as he doesn't mind my bras hanging on the door knob "drying" for four days.

Many women are unhappy. Many women make the mistake of thinking happiness is outside them and not in themselves. And when they aren't happy, gasp, they take it out on the man. (I admit I have faltered on this a time or twenty myself)

Yes, the change for yourself must start with yourself. The mind must be changed before the behavior can change....'cuz sometimes once the mind has been changed, the behavior is either gone or just not an issue.

I love Fussypants.

[Alli ~Mrs. Fussypant]

~~~Cue the music~~~~

"I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight."

Love y'all right back!

[themommykelly]

Like, oh my goodness! Have you been hiding somewhere in my house?!

Seriously. I love this post and I am ready and waiting for more information! I will do my best! and then some!

[SAHMmy Says]

"It will cause you actual physical pain to refrain from saying everything you are thinking"--you have no idea. Count me in!

[piper of love]

piper ~hearts~ fussy FOREVER!!

You are so good at blogging, I'm so privileged to be friends with the likes of rock stars like you ;)

[Kelly]

I loved Fussys marriage makeover series. It is a great, and I am definitely going to try it. It is nice to know that I am not the only one out there having the same problems. Thanks so much.

Kelly H.

[Rebecca]

This brings to mind the comment from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", when the mom tells her daughter "The man is the head of the household, but the woman, she is the neck, she turns the head..." So true. Us wives have all the power, and it's important that we don't diminish our hubby's egos. Fuss at him as he walks in the door every night, and he won't want to come home. But greet him with a smile and a "how was your day?", no matter what crisis you're facing, makes him melt into your hands. Keep up the good blogging!

[Rick]

"check his testicles at the door" This definately is a ladies' blog. O.- U.- C.- H. ouch!!!

www.organizeddoodles@blogspot.com

[Robert]

Mrs. Fussypants,

I love your post. I do. Speaking as someone who just left a marriage of 10 years due to lots of unhappiness, if I were ruled in this manner, I wouldn't mind even if I knew you were doing it.

[jill]

I just discovered you today (through a link from the nesting place blog) and I think you are right on girl! Celebrating 26 years of marraige this year I had to start from ground zero when I married my hubby. One thing that would have helped me avoid a lot of conflict was being taught NOT TO BRING UP HEAVY ISSUES when my hubby is HUNGRY! And not to bring up heavy issues when I am hormonal! DUH!!

BTW-I laugh at the whole 50-50 marraige idea. What a waste of time! We have eight children and could stand around all day figuring out how to make things "even"..suck it up girls and learn how to work hard!!