Five Ways to be Unhappy
Five Ways to be Unhappy
1) Consider yourself deep and intellectual. Snort and scoff at anyone who seems cheery and fun-loving. Tell yourself that you are oh-so pleased not to lead such a vapid and superficial existance. Spend enormous time intellectually navel-gazing.
2) Surround yourself with negative energy suckers like-minded friends who will be quick to comiserate with you about: the horrid state of the world, go over the latest tin-foil-hat-loving conspiracy theories, and a whole list of irrational fears - like Ebola, SARS, dirty-bomb attacks, and random crime sprees. Be sure to focus in on things that are completely out of your control.
3) Avoid physical activity like the plague. Disregard the vast amount of research that proves exercise is as effective a mood regulator as medication and therapy. When at home, keep your bottom firmly planted on the couch and watch hours and hours of TV everynight. By doing this you will effectivly avoid two happiness producing activities -exercise (those stinkin' endorphins), and the joy of human interaction.
4) Arrange your social life in one of two ways - Avoidant or Overscheduled. If you choose the avoidant route, be sure to let people know that you "detest crowds" and cancel plans often. Be sure to never answer your phone, then complain that no one ever calls.
If you choose the Overscheduled route, you will need to practice the art of the "Self-Sacrificing Martyr". Say yes to every invitation, request, or favor -despite your desire or ability. This is especially easy to do at Christmas. Exchange gifts with everyone you don't even like you know, throw lavish Christmas parties, and never-ever think about the credit card debt that is growing by the moment.
The way to top off the busy "self-sacrificing martyr" routine is to then brag/complain to anyone who will listen about how hard you work, how tired you are, and just how popular you are! People will loathe you love to hear all about it.
5) Live life with the belief that total and constant venting is the only healthy way to live. Whenever anything annoys you, focus in on it, ruminate over every last detail, and then tell anyone and everyone all about it. When you feel angry just let it all hang out.
Get every last feeling and thought off your chest despite the long term damage it may cause. Cite research that states that bottled up feelings are unhealthy. Never realize that healthy sharing of feelings and selfish, hurtful venting are very different things.
Follow these five easy steps and enjoy the fall out!
Love, Fussy
I "practice" venting too much! Time to cut that out. As usual, great post, Fussy!
And I love the new header. Looks like your cartoon self is hiding her growing belly!
Posted by: Heather | December 03, 2007 at 08:20 PM
Um . . . I think that's my cat.
LOL! Great post as always!
Posted by: Honeybell | December 03, 2007 at 09:13 PM
WHAT!!??
you mean, these are all bad things???!!??
(I;m KIDDING!)
Blessings,
K
Posted by: Karla ~ Looking Towards Heaven | December 03, 2007 at 10:11 PM
I love that cat! What a great picture!
Posted by: Amy | December 04, 2007 at 08:57 AM
Classic babe! As always... love it!
Posted by: themommykelly | December 04, 2007 at 09:16 AM
He he! Very cute with fab advice hidden along the way... Fussy at her best!
Posted by: Guilty Secret | December 04, 2007 at 09:42 AM
Wait a minute, I gripe daily. It makes me feel better to get it off my chest. Of course I don't dwell on my gripes, I let them go, so I guess that is better. Some great advice, you are always so helpful.
Posted by: justmylife | December 04, 2007 at 09:49 AM
Man.
*off to change whole life*
J/K!
As always, cute and fun.
Posted by: Rachel | December 04, 2007 at 10:32 AM
Unfortunately I am feeling kind of like the cat in #3 only I have a bottle of wine. ;)
Love the new holiday look dahlin'!
Posted by: Jamie | December 04, 2007 at 10:41 AM
Oh no! I think my New Year's resolutions list has now grown....
The cat photo is classic :)
Posted by: Sandy (Momisodes) | December 04, 2007 at 12:26 PM
Oops. Time to completely unzip myself from my body and enter someone else's. Number Three has been my friend since I birthed my baby 5 months ago. With Number 5, I vented recently about my mother-in-law woes and then paid dearly for it.
Where were you when I needed this post, Mrs. Fussy Britches?! Haha.
Posted by: imaginary sarah | December 04, 2007 at 02:27 PM
I'm going to pretend like I never read that last sentence. Then I can keep on ignoring the differences between healthy communication and b****ing FOREVER!!!
Posted by: Jenni | December 04, 2007 at 02:52 PM
You KNOW me! You REALLY know me!!
Posted by: Momo Fali | December 04, 2007 at 04:27 PM
I don't know - cats seem pretty happy to me.
Posted by: Heather | December 04, 2007 at 04:52 PM
What!?! I follow all five of these guidelines and I'm freaking happy beyond belief!!!
Posted by: FENICLE | December 04, 2007 at 09:43 PM
I actually thought of a few people that I should send this to but they would probably frown upon that ... good stuff and love the bling on the new header!
Posted by: UncommonBlonde | December 05, 2007 at 08:21 PM
Great as usual, Fussy! College was not wasted on you! You have such a great knack at being substantial while making us laugh!
Love that cat!
Maria
Posted by: Maria | December 06, 2007 at 09:19 AM
I love the cat AND the picture of the guy in the smoking jacket at the top. That picture made me giggle.
Posted by: KTHunter | December 13, 2007 at 08:23 AM