Fussy Teaches How To Raise Kids Just To Boost Your Ego
When kids are very young it is so easy to impose your own desires and personality on them. Say your sagging ego needs a boost, I have a quick parenting guide for you. Here are four easy ways to ruin your child's life raise children just to boost your own paltry ego.
1) Spend the same as the Gross Domestic Product of Zimbabwe on their daily playclothes.
Be sure to go bonkers if the children decide to actually play or get anywhere in the vicinity of paint, water or God's Green Earth.
2) Dedicate yourself to providing only the best and most exclusive furnishings and toys for your little angel.
Be sure to have Better Homes and Gardens and Parents magazines come take photos of your brilliant work. And never, ever let them play in it. Keep it all pristine. Give them a Playstation to keep them distracted when home.
3) Raise a prodigy.
Every loving parent thinks their child is brilliant, show them all that yours really is!
Research shows that child prodigies generally never fit in well to society and are depressed adults, but don't let that slow you down. Enjoy the limelight while you can!
4) Become a Pageant Mom!
Why not place an all-consuming obsession with your daughter's appearance early? Beat your friends to the fun.
Ah, cosmetics, cash, and superficial obsession. Enjoy that fallout in about 10 years!
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Next time you are at The Junior League meeting with Betty-Lou-Better-Than-You just remember to follow my tips and say-
Love, Fussy
PS- This post is guaranteed to get tons of hatemail. Please forward it to- WeHateFussy@OvercompetitiveMoms.com I'll read them after my kids finish making mud pies.
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Zing! Ooohh, I love this post. One question; How does Betty-Lou-Better-Than-You manage to find the time to antagonize the two of us when we live in different states?
I'm waiting for the pageant moms to descend on you with talons bared. Run, Fussy, run!
Posted by:Tamra | February 25, 2008 at 07:30 AM
Thank you! I hate the constant competition that mommies have about how great their kids are, how they are experts at everything, their bedrooms are furnished by Pottery Barn Kids, only the best clothes, etc. AHHHHHHH!
Posted by:Sister Honey Bunch | February 25, 2008 at 07:44 AM
Fussy, you make my day. It's so reassuring to know that I'm not making the worst of my kids.
We are a hand-me-down family. Not only from within, but we'll gladly incorporate others' hand-me-downs as well. I find it shocking that people will ASK me if we'll take them, or if we'd be offended. And we love the stuff with holes in them already. It didn't cost me anything for play clothes for the kids, and I don't have to worry if they ruin them while playing outdoors.
Posted by:Karen | February 25, 2008 at 07:50 AM
I'm so happy that y'all liked the post. I really left myself open for the Better-Lou-Better-Than-Yous to attack.
If you need me I'l be hiding behind my couch! ;)
Posted by:Mrs. Fussypants | February 25, 2008 at 08:27 AM
Was that a slam at us Junior Leaguers?? Just kidding. And, I agree somewhat about the prodigy statement & partially disagree. My husband read at 2, was in 1st grade at 4...socially he could not handle it...mentally he could. The important thing with education is to keep them challenged without overkill..I hope you meant to emphasize that.
Posted by:Anglophile Football Fanatic | February 25, 2008 at 08:48 AM
A.F.Fanatic-
OK he was smart but did he cure any disease by age 7?
LOL!
Junior Leage- Oh, honey deep south Junior League is like nothing you've ever seen.
Love ya!
Posted by:Mrs. Fussypants | February 25, 2008 at 08:52 AM
I've seen those kids in expensive play clothes and their perfect Pottery Barn playrooms. I couldn't imagine having the energy to keep all of that up.
I don't even get out of jeans and a t-shirt/sweatshirt most days, so I clearly don't have the time/energy to make my kids look perfect either.
And don't get me started on those pageants. A little is OK, if the kid wants to. Pushing it to extreme levels is practically child abuse.
I gave up trying to keep up with perfect moms a long time ago. Glad I did, too - I'm a lot more relaxed now!
Posted by:Christina | February 25, 2008 at 09:49 AM
THIS must be why I don't fit in at the mommy's groups so well...I need to follow your tips.
I was just raging to my husband last night because I was reading an article in Newsweek that school picture services are now offering touch ups and air brushing - and have done it for kids as young as the 2nd grade!! Nothing says "You aren't good enough" like having your 3rd grade photo retouched by mom!
Posted by:Michelle | February 25, 2008 at 09:59 AM
Great list :)
I'll admit, I daydream sometimes about having a pottery barn furnished bedroom. hehe :)
Posted by:Ali | February 25, 2008 at 10:23 AM
Sorry...no hate mail here!!
I have been sucked into Gymboree.
My MIL has convinced me that the clothes at Target and Wal-mart are 'too cheap' for my children to wear! Thanks for snapping me back into reality!
Connie
Posted by:Connie | February 25, 2008 at 10:42 AM
I must admit that I am a Southern Junior League lady myself and can testify that Betty-Lou-Better is ALWAYS around. Imagine me... "that poor pitiful girl who has no kids." Uh, yeah lady, I'm getting there. Just slowly...
And have you SEEN that show about the pagent girls and their moms? It sorta freaks me out. It just ain't right for little girls who are five to wear that much make up and hairspray. Even if they are from the South where we take pride in our high hair that is perfectly in place with an entire bottle of AquaNet...
Fussy, you made me laugh! thanks!
Posted by:Reynie | February 25, 2008 at 10:45 AM
I love Pottery Barn, but at a distance. Its style appeals to me, but I keep it real enough to know style above fun is a no-no.
I don't even force my kids to dress in pretty clothes for church much less fancy play clothes. Gotta keep it real there too.
But I have to ask. As far as the gifted kids, if the parents don't believe in them, who will? Society at large? The government? Ha ha. There is a fine line balance between advocating for your highly talented child and what is just parental pride. It's not easy to always hit the mark on that balance.
Posted by:Queen of Shake Shake | February 25, 2008 at 10:46 AM
What I think is precious are the moms that live through there teenagers. Encouraging the boyfriend thing, If she is doing your going to do it. Sometimes it gets really ridiculous.
Posted by:Valarie | February 25, 2008 at 10:48 AM
What I think is precious are the moms that live through there teenagers. Encouraging the boyfriend thing, If she is doing your going to do it. Sometimes it gets really ridiculous.
Posted by:Valarie | February 25, 2008 at 10:48 AM
So would it be wrong then to admit I'm wondering what catalog those kid's clothes came from? Cause my lil' demon spawn would look absolutely adorable in that last dress outfit on the right...
What?!?! I'm just sayin...
And not all smart kids have trouble fitting in. Honest. But constantly telling them they are lil' genius over and over again will most certainly backfire.
Posted by:Tempered Woman | February 25, 2008 at 11:00 AM
Betty Lou Better-Than-You ... *snort!* ... that's perfect! You know I'm going to steal that, right?
Posted by:Lizzi | February 25, 2008 at 11:03 AM
Love that post
Posted by:Lauri | February 25, 2008 at 11:04 AM
Ladies, gifted kids are not child-prodigies. Smart kids are not prodigies.
If your kid cures cancer, builds a car by hand and is solving organic chemistry problems in elementary school then it's a prodigy.
Gifted and super-smart kids are fine. Relax!
Also, the clothes- Ralph Lauren. I have quite a stash of Ralph Lauren myself from thrift stores & yard sales myself!
When it is only $1.00 they can make mud-pies all they want! ;)
Love you you all,
Alli
PS- Pottery Barn when found at a yard sale -I'll fight ya for it. LOL.
Posted by:Mrs. Fussypants | February 25, 2008 at 11:11 AM
HAHAHAHAHA...I can't imagine you getting hatemail, Fussy! I guess that's the price of success. ;)
Posted by:Sarah | February 25, 2008 at 11:25 AM
Have you ever noticed how FAT most pageant moms are? That really makes me wonder...
My kids live in hand-me-downs, pretty much.
I can't believe you get hatemail! Some people suck!
Posted by:Beck | February 25, 2008 at 11:39 AM
Great post, Fussy! Why do moms have to be so competitive? They look at my 9 month old who is bigger than their 2 year old and think that something is wrong. No, I am breastfeeding my child, giving her the best God intended, and they didn't. That's why their child is a skinny waif.
Oh, sorry, touchy subject with me today. I say stop comparing and our children won't learn to play the one-up-manship games.
Posted by:Heather | February 25, 2008 at 11:56 AM
Love it! You are speaking my language Fussy! And I don't mind a Pottery Barn room and Ralph Lauren clothing...
when I can find them at thrift stores and yard sales!
Posted by:Suzof7 | February 25, 2008 at 12:01 PM
Ah Fussy, I love you. Not only was this a great post (Betty-Lou-Better-Than-You is brilliant), but you're handling the comments with magnificent grace,humor, and backbone. Love the distinction between a gifted child and a prodigy (some people ought to print that out and put it on the fridge!).
Posted by:Jennifer | February 25, 2008 at 12:02 PM
Pottery Barn stopped sending me catalogs -- I think they came by my house and realized I would never actually order anything.
Posted by:slow Panic | February 25, 2008 at 12:06 PM
I loved this post! You make such sense and are funny at it! My grandma's name is Betty Lou but she never try's to be better than you!
Posted by:Happy Mommy | February 25, 2008 at 12:38 PM
Even my five year old laughed! We love you, Fussy!
Posted by:Alicia | February 25, 2008 at 12:40 PM
Why the hate mail? I think it's hilarious! And I was even a "pageant" girl myself. Although don't let the Jr. Miss people hear me call it that... it's a PROGRAM thankyouverymuch!
Posted by:Krista | February 25, 2008 at 12:46 PM
My daughter is a pageant kid and gifted, and I was rolling on the floor. Just a heads up , a flurry of pageant mommies will send you a bunch of hate mail for using that pic(especially since the little girl is well known in the pageant community) Oh, you left off all the lessons we shuttle our kids too!
Posted by:april | February 25, 2008 at 01:04 PM
You must have met my brother inlaw when you wrote this article. Because you have his parenting technique down.
Which is why we don't spend a lot of time together...lol.
Posted by:Redneck Mommy | February 25, 2008 at 01:07 PM
Regarding the picture w/ #2 - it has always bugged me to no end to see pictures and advertisements of kids using toys and products the way they were intended to be used! It's a lie! Rarely do either of my kids play with toys or use other kid geared products they way they are "supposed to". Rarely have I ever witnessed other children actually playing with toys (other than video games and maybe, art supplies) the way they were designed to be played with.
Posted by:Malia | February 25, 2008 at 01:07 PM
How about "Build an entire freaking hover craft so everyone at the science fair knows your kid came from smart parents".
It's hard to let your kid do a project on their own when you have to compete with an 4 ft errupting model of Mount Vesuveus from the Kindergartener down the street.
I.Freaking.Hate.It.
Posted by:Loralee | February 25, 2008 at 01:27 PM
I. adore. you.
We are all over hand me downs and I love it. I shop Gymboree sales :-) But that's about it. It's nice to read this because being in the deep south, surrounded by J.Leaguer's and the like with their Children's Place and Gymboree Bedecked progeny while they flit around in $200 rhinestone flip flops (yes, I'm serious) it's easy to get sucked into it. Thank goodness for common sense and frugal raising. You say it so well and with such humor and love. God bless ya darlin'.
Posted by:rachel | February 25, 2008 at 01:38 PM
Yikes, the girl in the picture is really a pagent kid? I found the picture on a satirical website. I totally thought it was a joke.
I mean holding all that cash? Yikes!
~~I will say it again, "gifted" does not a prodigy make~~
Posted by:Mrs. Fussypants | February 25, 2008 at 01:40 PM
Absolutely hilarious stuff! :) I still want that playroom though. LOL.
Posted by:Amanda | February 25, 2008 at 02:06 PM
Seriously cracking up while reading this. I've got a ton of name brand, far too expensive clothes for the boys that I got for cheap at thrift shops. And each time I shudder at the idea that some poor mom paid $100 for some shirt that I paid a quarter for.
Posted by:Summer | February 25, 2008 at 02:35 PM
Amen, sistah! But you forgot number 5.
5)enroll your children in every possible extracurricular activity available, all at the same time. Do their homework for them if needed.
Posted by:Jenni | February 25, 2008 at 02:38 PM
Amanda- I want that playroom for MYSELF!
Summer- I know. I have outfits for the kids that retail would be $300! I only paid about $7.00 for the whole thing.
It is all just so excessive. People are starving to death in other countries and dying for lack of clean water. Here we are dropping $75.00 for a shirt?
~Fussy gets down off her soapbox~
Posted by:Mrs. Fussypants | February 25, 2008 at 02:41 PM
Lurve this post! Funny and completely on target! and yes, I do see myself here, but shush! don't let anyone know I think you are marvelous for the gentle reminder that I need to lighten up sometimes. Gotta go now and plunk down some more cash for my daughter the golf prodigy's lessons, and outfits, and equipment, and...
Posted by:TX Poppet | February 25, 2008 at 02:47 PM
I LOVE this post!! It's hysterical but also sad that adults live this way and teach these lessons to their children.
Keep it comin' Fussy!!
Posted by:Christina | February 25, 2008 at 02:48 PM
Bwa-hahahahahaha
"Betty-Lou-Better-than-You" should reappear as a teacher around here!
Brilliant post, but sadly it's TRUE!
My favorite thing to roll my eyes at is ALL the ADVANCED kids I read about and hear about. Prodigy children are being born by the hundreds daily!
Posted by:Nancy | February 25, 2008 at 03:57 PM
Just so's ya knows :-) LOL. To clarify :-) I'm part of a long line of J.Leaguers. I'm not slamming 'em. Just using that as an example, as previously used :-) I'm also a 'gap mom'ish 'sorority girl and a southern belle' slam away.
Fusster: Still love you.
Some people need to learn to take things with a grain of salt and a helping of humor.
Posted by:rachel | February 25, 2008 at 04:18 PM
Oh my heck! Sooo funny! heehee still laughing... !
Posted by:Amy Shipp | February 25, 2008 at 05:07 PM
Love the post! Totally agree! My kids love to make mud pies too wearing their thrift store clothes or hand-me downs.
Posted by:Seastar | February 25, 2008 at 06:13 PM
Whoa. My wife kind of does number one on your list and my wife's cousin is sooooo a pageant mom.
I'm doing my best to destroy all our kids nice clothes with the wretched playing.
And the pageant mom is in Texas, perhaps that's just what they do down there.
Posted by:Denguy | February 25, 2008 at 06:14 PM
You go Fussy.
And may I say...my son is only 1. Y'all are scaring me! LOL
Posted by:VDog | February 25, 2008 at 06:43 PM
Fussy, I've been away too long. LOL This was so funny (as usual). Nice to be here again!
Posted by:nancypants | February 25, 2008 at 07:19 PM
Fussy, I've got a friend whose daughter was born two days after mine, and she constantly one-ups me - her girl crawled before mine, walked before mine, sat up before mine, makes a bigger mess than mine, etc. Thanks for telling me it's okay to love my daughter exactly where she is and not wish she was different. Come to think of it, you probably didn't know you told me that, but that's what I got out of your post today. Thanks!
Posted by:Sarah | February 25, 2008 at 07:40 PM
I am studying the list carefully for the Junior League meeting next week...Oh crap, I got kicked out of the Junior League 8 years ago (true story). Poor me. I guess I will go celebrate, I mean mourn out in the backyard with a garden hose, a sandbox and 3 boys...
Oh and to the guy above wondering about TX moms--all the ones I know wouldn't be caught dead near a pagaent!
Posted by:HRH | February 25, 2008 at 07:57 PM
This was great Fussy! I do love Pottery Barn for the kids, I admit. But I'm a Junior League drop out!
Posted by:Amy | February 25, 2008 at 08:47 PM
Amy- Junior League Dropout was my first taglne! ;)
Posted by:Mrs. Fussypants | February 25, 2008 at 09:14 PM