My worst break-up ever. -Ali Martell

when the queen of all that is good and fussy asked me to fill her shoes while she was off doing something totally, erm, unimportant...i peed in my pants a little. i mean, we DO share the same name, albeit spelled differently, but fussyalli rocks it hardcore. and thisali rocks just about nothing (well, i do have a fancy new haircut...)

hmm...what to write about. and then, this past weekend, for the every-so-freezing Canadian Victoria Day weekend, i went shopping in Buffalo (oooh...cross border shopping is ALL the rage, i swear!), and instead of having to come up with some material...the material came to me....in the form of my former lover, J. Crew. We have since broken up. it's been messy. trust me. definitely my messiest breakup ever.

there was a time when all you could find in the closet of Ali was J. Crew. We were inseparable. Before each Chrismukah, instead of sending a wishlist to my stepmom, i would send a catalog in the mail. THE catalog. and it would be full of circles and pen marks and notes in the margins.

merino sweaters. cashmere. cable-knits. cords. perfectly fitted ts. polos. chinos. jeans. skirts. hairbands. socks. flip flops. you name it...i wanted it ALL. at least something from every page. J Crew knew me. we had a GREAT relationship. it was bliss.

and then something happened. something horrible.

J. Crew changed. and i felt a certain distance between us. He didn't know me as well as he used to. and he was different.

the perfectly fitted t's became perfectly pregnant fitted t's.

the merino sweaters became too thin. too long. too matronly.

the patterns became, well, patterns. for me, if it's J Crew...the only pattern should be argyle.

the turtlenecks didn't fit the same. didn't feel the same. weren't the same.

the skirts became too billowy. too matronly. too cruise-ship-y.

um, and the prices? WAY. TOO. HIGH.

what happened to the preppy, Hampton-esque look? What happened to the tailored, clean lines? What happened to all my Joey Potter yacht clothes?

I had no choice but to start cheating. RW&Co. Jacob. Anthropologie. Lucky. Abercrombie. White House| Black Market. none of them are perfect. but they are filling that void.

and every time i see J. Crew, i gasp. He is so pretty. and i walk in thinking that we could be a couple again. Thinking this time will be different. i have such high hopes that he's seen the error of his ways and wants me back! i keeping thinking he'll change. and every time it's the same. a hairband here. a t-shirt there. but nothing significant. he continues to disappoint me and it hurts.

i'm thinking a clean break might be in order.

Comments

[Adventures In Babywearing]

Oh too funny. My hubby broke up with J Crew right about the time I broke up with the Gap. We still see each other now & then, tho.

Steph

[Amy]

I broke up with J Crew in college because of the same exact reasons. It is good to hear someone else echo my sentiments ;)

I still do hunt for him though when I do my thrift shopping....I am a stalker, what can I say?

[alex]

I seriously love and agree with everything about this post.

J.Crew is a man-slut...he has used and abused many of us (as I sit here in a JCrew clearance shirt that is not nearly as cute as it should be).

[mah-meee]

oh... i totally know what you mean! i was so in love with jcrew until i noticed that their fit has changed, their style changed. for the longest time i thought it's just me, maybe i'm just getting too old for the line.

this post made me feel so much better!

[Backpacking Dad]

I can't buy anything at Abercrombie. (1) Because I'm not 18. (2) Because they weren't there for me when I was a fat lump with a 38 waist, so they don't get my money now that I'm a 32 again. I do go in there, try on the pants, walk out and buy similar jeans somewhere else while I say "fuck you Abercrombie" under my breath.

I don't know that I've ever owned anything from J Crew. I was never cool enough for that.

[Miss]

I dont shop at any of those fancy stores because I'm cheap. *sob* But I love you and wanted to stalk you here too!

[Shamelessly Sassy]

oh, I love White House Black Market. LOVE IT. That's probably because I have an intense love for black shirts and blouses. And an intense hate for the word blouses. So anyway, I hope you're making it through your break-up okay. I heard J Crew had an STD anyway.

[Sleepynita]

I broke p with the Gap and J. Crew about 4 - 5 years ago. Then I met my new boyfriend; Tristan and America and I cheat on them with my little American Slut girlfriend Athropologie.

[Tranny Head]

Sadly, I too broke up with J Crew. But it was because my tatas were too big to fit into their fitted shirts. Wearing their shirts, I had to say something like, "Um - I have a HEAD and not just boobs" to people to get them to look in the right general direction.

Also, I saw some stuff in the Gap's window this past week and I almost yakked. HIDEOUS plaid that was a combination of PURPLE and TURQUOISE!!! Yes, they apparently make a plaid like that. Just because it can be done doesn't mean it SHOULD be done.

[Angella]

I have never shopped at J. Crew, but I have the same relationship with the GAP. Time to move on, I guess...

[slynnro]

You know I can appreciate this, but you are talking shit about my boyfriend.

[Mrs. Fussypants]

"the patterns became, well, patterns. for me, if it's J Crew...the only pattern should be argyle."

ali, you are a girl after my own heart!

[Haley-O]

I REALLY want to go crossborder shopping... It IS all the rage. Maybe for my b-day, when I'm skinny and HOTT! ;)

CONGRATS FUSSYPANTS!!!!!

[Heather]

Ugh- you too huh? Well at least we know it is him and not us! I haven't even been able to look J Crew in the eye in probably 10 years! He is just a totlly different animal- who shops there anyway?

[Multi-Tasking Mommy]

Congrats to FussyPants! A FIFTH?!? I'm freaking out about a second.

I LOVE cross the border shopping--the selection--the prices (well, not so much now)!!!

[180/360]

That is funny! I'm about ready to break up with them, too. I bought my husband 5 pairs of shorts and on EVERY SINGLE ONE of them all the buttons broke in half and fell off immediately. I'm sorry- but I don't like sewing and for $50 a pair they should be better.

I broke up with Victoria's Secret about 5 years ago and have never been back. Terrible quality and bad customer service. I don't miss them a bit!

[Katrina]

Oh my gosh, I just sat here and giggled. I've never been small enough or had enough money to shop at those stores but I can agree with you in spirit. Where'd you shop in Buffalo? I live near the Galleria Mall on Walden.