1. Show how totally unimpressed you are with the whole world.
Expressing just how "above it all" you really are is a great way to show your superiority. This works to quickly set yourself apart from the people having mindless fun.
2. Share all your most recent embarrassing and depressing details of your life.
When asked how you've been, it is important to really share all the intimate details of your life. Lost love, bankruptcy, addictions, and hemorrhoids are all important topics to catch people up on.
If you are making a new friend, these things really help show how authentic and wonderful you really are.
3.Stare intently in the other person's eyes and start discussing all your odd, obscure interests.
Stare in the other person's eyes with intensity for long periods of time. This will build an instant deep connection.
Share your passions in coin collecting, Star Trek conventions, collecting porcelain dolls from Asia, and your deep belief in Scientology.
4. When the conversation begins to focus on the other person show your annoyance.
Looking away and yawning are both quick and easy ways to remind the other person who is wearing the pants in the conversation. It is important to establish your dominance in the conversation, and work hard to keep the topics about you.
If your subtle non-verbal hints are not properly noticed, be sure to just start interrupting, talking over and talking WITH GREAT VOLUME! Even with the most dim-witted conversationalist this will normally do the trick.
5. Keep it real.
Throw away those silly social rules. Follow your own inner rules of behavior. Keep it real, and be strident that you will behave in public exactly as you do at home. Keep it real, Yo!
Follow these 5 easy steps and enjoy the fallout!
Love, Fussy
I'm printing this out and taking it with me to Blogher.
Steph
Posted by: Adventures In Babywearing | July 15, 2008 at 06:22 AM
Yeah, I should print this out and carry it around with me on a daily basis.
(I know WAY TOO MANY "let's share everything!" kind of gals. PLEASE STOP.)
Posted by: Beck | July 15, 2008 at 06:48 AM
lol.
Posted by: HRH | July 15, 2008 at 07:09 AM
Too funny! I love these.
Posted by: Brandie pahl | July 15, 2008 at 08:45 AM
What I want to know is, who were you talking to and what was the conversation that prompted this post? Must have been a good one!
Posted by: HeatherPride | July 15, 2008 at 09:59 AM
I think we must know the same people. There is a strong possibility you are talking about my ex-boyfriend.
Posted by: Alyssa @ Keeping the Kingdom First | July 15, 2008 at 10:43 AM
LOL!!!! ROFL?!!!
grasping tummy and doubling over...
xoxo
Posted by: melissa @ the inspired room | July 15, 2008 at 11:26 AM
That dude's feet could use a pumice stone.
Posted by: Sister Honey Bunch | July 15, 2008 at 01:21 PM
Have a deacon in our church like that.
Posted by: JackieW. transplanted Okie (Buried in Legos) | July 15, 2008 at 03:26 PM
Madame Fussy I had to "digg" this one. Consider yourself dug. Rock on, sistah.
Posted by: that girl | July 15, 2008 at 06:06 PM
Dead on as usual Fussy. I couldn't help but wonder as I read this, 'Does she have someone in particular in mind?'
Posted by: Ingrid | July 15, 2008 at 08:38 PM
This may be one of your best yet!
Posted by: Lizz @ Yes, and So is My Heart | July 15, 2008 at 09:46 PM
Pumice stone - heck, that guy just needs to WASH his feet! And think of his sheets....eeeewwwww!
Posted by: Kim H. | July 15, 2008 at 09:56 PM
This is hilarious. I am stumbling.
Posted by: Shamelessly Sassy | July 16, 2008 at 01:16 AM
snort. Love the photos!
Posted by: Daisy | July 16, 2008 at 06:49 PM
WOW! that was like a bullet. Are you talking to me? I have got to get an attitude adjustment!
Posted by: Sandy M | July 18, 2008 at 10:38 AM
LMAO!!!!
love this post.
Posted by: tanyetta | July 19, 2008 at 12:36 PM
Oh My Gosh! Things that are so true like this are always so funny! Now I am sitting wondering if I have ever done any of them! Oh, not me, never.
Posted by: Shannon | July 20, 2008 at 07:30 AM
Hahaha...we all know too many people like this! Thanks for the laugh! I needed it! :)
Posted by: Melissa | July 21, 2008 at 02:41 PM
so stinkin' funny. i'm on a similar wave length, but, not as cute with my 10 quick tips to become a better listener.
http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/07/10-quick-tips-to-improve-your-listening.html
love your heart....and the way your share it. blessings..lylah
Posted by: lylah ledner | July 23, 2008 at 10:13 AM