How to Ruin your Life~ Pop Culture style

Pop Culture- handle with care. A tiny bit can be tasty, but too much is down right poisonous! Let's take a look at some of Pop Culture's messages that, if believed, can easily ruin your life!

How to Ruin your Life in 3 Easy Steps~ Pop Culture Style

1) More Money = More Happiness. Be sure to spend lots of time fantasizing about how much better life would be if you had more money. Picture your hair flying back gracefully as you drive that convertible Mercedes. How impressed the ladies at church will be when Hubs gets that matching stainless steel kitchen set. And, of course, how much better the kids will be when all their desires can be fulfilled.

In the mean time, there will be a huge disappointment with your real life. You will look at your own life with disdain and disappointment. Instead of feeling ashamed by your status, use the feeling to motivate Hubs.

Start a constant refrain of motivational talks with Hubs. Tell him of your feelings of disappointment of how he provides for the family. After enough time, he will either get a second job, start selling crack, or file divorce papers. Either way, it is most important to share all of your feelings. Embrace your truth!

2) Being More Beautiful = More Happiness. Don't just Fight the Frump, go on an all out beauty transformation. When you get out of the shower, go over every flaw as you dress. Develop an unnatural obsession with the shape, texture and feel of your thighs. Know in your heart that if you could just control those extra jiggles, you would be happy. Complain often to friends about your thighs in hopes they will soothe your ego. This will work especially well when you complain to friends who are heavier than you.

Start saving money for plastic surgery. Watch Dr. 90210 and Nip/Tuck faithfully. Dream about how much happier you will be when your nose is straightened and your implants are in. When you recover from your surgery, start saving for the next. You'll be surprised to learn the elation over surgery doesn't last long. Get on a 5 year plan and schedule new procedures every year. Then you'll really feel happy!

3) New Marriage = New Happiness. Start keeping a mental list of all your Hubby's faults. Notice how the men on your favorite shows are so much nicer, more helpful and more loving. Never mind the fact that these shows are fiction, just become mildly disappointed by the Big-Lug on your couch.

Start fantasizing about how happy you will be with someone new. Someone who doesn't have all those annoying habits. Someone who doesn't do things that annoy you just to spite you! Because you know he leaves those hairs in the sink just to make you mad.

Brush aside concerns about the children and affects of divorce in them. Tell yourself that children are marvelously adaptable, and if you are happy, they will be happy, too. Focus in on research that states a divorce is healthier for kids than growing up in a household with constant conflict. See? It's for the children!

Never mind the fact that you are starting all the conflict. That's not important. You wouldn't have to start it if he would just do what you want!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After you master theses three skills, you will be on your way to Pop Culture Diva status. Enjoy the fall-out.

Love, Fussy

How to Ruin your Life in 3 Easy Steps~ Pop Culture Style

1) More Money = More Happiness. Be sure to spend lots of time fantasizing about how much better life would be if you had more money. Picture your hair flying back gracefully as you drive that convertible Mercedes. How impressed the ladies at church will be when Hubs gets that matching stainless steel kitchen set. And, of course, how much better the kids will be when all their desires can be fulfilled.

In the mean time, there will be a huge disappointment with your real life. You will look at your own life with disdain and disappointment. Instead of feeling ashamed by your status, use the feeling to motivate Hubs.

Start a constant refrain of motivational talks with Hubs. Tell him of your feelings of disappointment of how he provides for the family. After enough time, he will either get a second job, start selling crack, or file divorce papers. Either way, it is most important to share all of your feelings. Embrace your truth!

2) Being More Beautiful = More Happiness. Don't just Fight the Frump, go on an all out beauty transformation. When you get out of the shower, go over every flaw as you dress. Develop an unnatural obsession with the shape, texture and feel of your thighs. Know in your heart that if you could just control those extra jiggles, you would be happy. Complain often to friends about your thighs in hopes they will soothe your ego. This will work especially well when you complain to friends who are heavier than you.

Start saving money for plastic surgery. Watch Dr. 90210 and Nip/Tuck faithfully. Dream about how much happier you will be when your nose is straightened and your implants are in. When you recover from your surgery, start saving for the next. You'll be surprised to learn the elation over surgery doesn't last long. Get on a 5 year plan and schedule new procedures every year. Then you'll really feel happy!

3) New Marriage = New Happiness. Start keeping a mental list of all your Hubby's faults. Notice how the men on your favorite shows are so much nicer, more helpful and more loving. Never mind the fact that these shows are fiction, just become mildly disappointed by the Big-Lug on your couch.

Start fantasizing about how happy you will be with someone new. Someone who doesn't have all those annoying habits. Someone who doesn't do things that annoy you just to spite you! Because you know he leaves those hairs in the sink just to make you mad.

Brush aside concerns about the children and affects of divorce in them. Tell yourself that children are marvelously adaptable, and if you are happy, they will be happy, too. Focus in on research that states a divorce is healthier for kids than growing up in a household with constant conflict. See? It's for the children!

Never mind the fact that you are starting all the conflict. That's not important. You wouldn't have to start it if he would just do what you want!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After you master theses three skills, you will be on your way to Pop Culture Diva status. Enjoy the fall-out.

Love, Fussy

Comments

[Jackie W transplanted Okie (Buried in Legos)]

Yea...can't wait to have diamonds drilled into my teeth.

[Suburban Oblivion]

Bwahahahaha..brilliant, as always :)

[rachel]

Fantastic! I laughed the whole time. This was fabulous as always hon.

[Dawn K.]

You forgot one.
Listen to Popular Songs:
Truly mess up any sense of what relationships are really about. Example? "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas. No, I'm not making it up and I'll give you guesses what it's about.

[TX Poppet]

Can I just get a leetle Botox if I promise not to turn into a turtle head *cough Desperate Housewives cough*?

[HRH]

I am always searching for ways to make life harder! Thanks Fussy. MWAH.

[Melizzard]

And this is why we love you!

[Heather]

Brilliant, as always, Fussy! Just the thought of Botox or other painful cosmetic treatments send me running for cover! No thanks. I'll live with my wrinkles and cellulite!

[amosgitai]

Let the life goes on!!!

[ScrappyQuilter]

Too true--Fussy, you da (wo)man!

[Lin]

Fussy, you are truly hysterical! I needed a good laugh today, and I got it here. Thank you!

[hen]

Having just have a friend get really sick from botox....it's not going to be something I will ever do - I'll keep the laughter lines!

Glad to see you are on photoshopping form - keep up the good work!

[Carrie]

Hee, hee. Okay, hairs in sink equals new marriage! Okay Fussy, I AM ON IT! :)

[tracey]

Just sending you some support in the whole name debaucle...

[Cat]

Love it, so true!

Hugs!!!

[Lizz @ Yes, and So is My Heart]

Too funny!

[momto4kidsny]

If hairs in the sink equals new marriage...how long into a marriage is it no longer considered new? I will stick to my extra few pounds and wrinkles as you could not pay me enough to go back under the knife! Love the photos!

[MamaMo]

So true... and SO funny! Well done!

[Jamie]

So true and yet so sad that some people's lives are reduced to stuff like that. Funny but sad.

[Frantichomecook]

Amen, sister! Especially #2. It's always awkward when my 5'8" Size 2 friend moans that the love handles (?!) on her back "totally grossed her out" so she's doubling her exercise routine. I don't know what to say to that since any one of my love handles = her thigh.

[Mrs. Kitty]

I always love these posts. Like reverse therapy!

[Nora Bee]

I wonder if I could get my husband to start selling crack? We can all dream, I guess.. Great post.

[mrs. Sam]

Oh you forgot one more...you can't be married just once...you have to start planning for your next hubby...something rockstarish....the more unstable the better in bed!!!!